I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're too hungover to prance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
