What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
