I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
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omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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