dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
