Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize