About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This baby is an asshole
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
