You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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