I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize