your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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