Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
