I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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