dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
