i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
