Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
