In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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