Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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