Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
