I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
