it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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