Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
