Im at strip club and am horny
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
