Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
