there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
