I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
