Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish I only lived at night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
