apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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