you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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