Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
whose ass print is on the piano?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
