I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
