ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
