I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
