I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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