I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
