ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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