i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
