No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
