So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
