Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
