My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
