I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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