After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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