CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
