i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
