Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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