so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
