Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
