Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
