Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
