so let's talk penis.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
