Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
