is wine microwaveable?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
