life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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