I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
