Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
