I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
