how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
