I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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