one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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