Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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