..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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