My room smells like vodka and shame
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
