Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
