we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
