i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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