a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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