just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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