We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
