you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
