the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
