Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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