Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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