i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
