Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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