PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
