In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
