after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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