absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
