all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
