my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
