I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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