my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
