He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
